20-year-old unemployed freeloading son gets slack from stepmom for sleeping all day, he comes crying to dad: “He doesn’t even have a drivers license”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
May 31, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Hey there ladies and gentlemen of the internet. Boy, how the times have changed. Expectations for adults are so unlike any other time period. Usually by a certain age, there were life goals that most people were supposed to check off, or at least have some experience in. When my parents were growing up, it was common to get married around early-mid 20s, have children, and live in a home by early 30s. These days, I can't count the number of mid 40-year-olds who still don't know if they want children yet. Guess what buddy, the clock is ticking! There seems to be almost no expectations of a life trajectory for the younger generations like gen z and alpha. I also can't count the number of 20-30s people I know who just play video games all night and sleep all day. 

In the story below, the narrator is a woman dealing with these behaviors from her stepson. She's lived with him for 15 years and seen no signs of improvement. He'll be 21 soon, so sure he's young. But no job, no drivers license even? It's too far. 

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  • 01

    AITA for contemplating leaving my home to force my husband to do something with my stepson?

    Cheezburger Image 10511121664
    via lukas_zb from Getty Images Pro / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My husband and I have been married for 15 years. During most of that time both of his children (24F and 20M) lived with us because his ex is a crappy parent. Soon after I moved in, we had his
    via u/amannamedbucho

  • This woman has every right to be at the peak of frustration. She's at her wit's end because she has to live with a 20-year-old who lives the life of someone 10 years younger than him. It's hard to watch, not to mention pathetic. The father should be more involved in this. 

  • 03
    son tested because I felt something was a little off. He was diagnosed with high-functioning aspergers. He did well in school when he put forth the effort. Once he got to freshman year, he stopped doing all homework and refused to do
    via u/amannamedbucho
  • 04
    anything, but the school still passed him. During that time, he and my husband got into it, and he wanted to go live with his mom because we "had too many rules." Because his mother did not enforce rules, my
    via u/amannamedbucho
  • 05
    stepson ended up dropping out his senior year. His mother then decided since he wasn't going to school, she was going to force him to sign a "contract" stating he would get a job by a certain date and start paying part of the bills or
    via u/amannamedbucho
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10511128064
    via Proxima Studio / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    be out. At that time, he started crying to my husband and asked to move back into our house. My stepson and I have not had the best relationship and at one point before he went back to his mother's I told my husband either he needed to go live somewhere
    via u/amannamedbucho
  • 08
    else, or I was out. While he was begging my husband to come back, he said things would be different, that he did want to get a drivers license and a job and start doing things to make a future for himself. I didn't feel like I really had
    via u/amannamedbucho
  • 09
    a say in if he came back or not. This August will be two years since he's been back in our home, and he is nowhere closer to being a productive adult than when he arrived. He sits around all night playing video games and sleeps all
    via u/amannamedbucho
  • 10
    day. No drivers license. No school. No job. Anytime I bring the subject up to my husband it starts an argument. His son will be 21 in July. AITA for wanting to leave to try and force my husband to make my stepson do something?
    via u/amannamedbucho
  • 11
    suesmiles 16h ago It's time to put yourself first and do what's best for you.
    via u/suesmiles
  • 12
    Silent_Syd241 • 15h ago The ex wasn't the only crappy parent you are married to the other crappy parent. Clearly the only reason he got remarried is to have someone else deal with his kids for him.
    via u/Silent_Syd241
  • 13
    Impressive Moment... • 16h ago NTA-What is your husbands plan, to just let his grown adult son stay at home and do nothing until your husband dies? Then what does he think
    via u/Impressive_Moment786
  • 14
    will happen to his son? It was your husband's job to make sure his son grew up to be a functional and contributing member of society, he has failed him and is continuing to fail him by not setting any expectations.
    via u/Impressive_Moment786
  • 15
    I wouldn't be sticking around to see how this plays out.
    via u/Impressive_Moment786
  • 16
    Im... 16h ago Edited 16h ago Ask for a separation and some marriage counselling. Find your own apartment to rent and move there. If still the son hasn't gotten a job and still
    via u/Impossible_Nebula_33
  • 17
    mooching of your husband in your home you built together. Get a divorce. His not your kid its not your job to provide him a roof over his head, food
    via u/Impossible_Nebula_33
  • 18
    Cheezburger Image 10511121920
    via wsfurlan from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    indefinitely whilst he rots away in his bedroom. His own birth mother wouldn't tolerate him being a you? why should
    via u/Impossible_Nebula_33
  • 20
    KronkLaSworda • 16h ago NTA Leave. Your husband can deal with his failure to launch.
    via u/KronkLaSworda
  • 21
    kellyoccean ⚫16h ago NTA. His son is now an adult. He promised to change two years ago and didn't. I'd say it's time to go. Let him see what real life is like. I mean
    via u/kellyoccean
  • 22
    how long does your husband plan to let him love there? Forever? I'd be out so fast.
    via u/kellyoccean
  • 23
    jcoop982 • 15h ago NTA Good job standing up to help your stepson get a diagnosis. Unfortunately, it seems "too little, too late" to help motivate him since dad won't step up.
    via u/jcoop982

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